I am absolutely loving Harry Styles’ new album. He is returning to recording and performing after taking some time away for introspection, and the insight in his new album is next-level.
Listening to Aperture, I kept coming back to one idea:
What if the way we see ourselves is the thing that needs adjusting most?
As a neuropsychologist, I immediately thought about ADHD.
To adults living with ADHD:
You are not alone.
These are the kinds of things I hear every day:
- “I’ve always known there was something different about me—I felt like I didn’t fit in.”
- “It’s not that I’m not motivated, I literally feel like I CAN’T get myself to do these things.”
- “I feel like there are two parts of myself who are at odds with each other.”
- “I should have confidence, and yet I don’t, because I don’t trust myself.”
At its core, ADHD is a disorder of self-management and self-regulation.
And over time, that gap between intention and follow-through can become deeply personal.
It can start to feel like a character flaw.
Like inconsistency means something about who you are.
But it doesn’t.
What many people with ADHD are experiencing is something much more specific:
A nervous system that is inconsistent at the point of performance.
The part of you that wants to do the thing is real.
And the part of you that can’t get started, in that moment, is also real.
That internal tension—the “two parts of self”—is one of the most painful aspects of ADHD.
And because it’s confusing, many people begin to look outward for feedback:
- How am I doing?
- Do I seem capable?
- Am I getting this right?
People with ADHD often become highly attuned to how others perceive them—
while feeling much less clear about how to understand themselves.
This is where Aperture becomes such a powerful metaphor.
In photography, aperture controls how much light gets in.
And in ADHD, I often see people living with an aperture that has been shaped by years of self-criticism:
- Try harder
- Be more disciplined
- Why can’t you just do it?
This narrows the aperture.
It reduces clarity.
It reduces light.
So how do we shift it?
Here is the framework I often share:
1. Neutral Awareness
Learning about ADHD—its symptoms, patterns, and neurobiology—offers a new lens.
Not judgment. Not labeling.
Understanding.
When people begin to see their experiences through a clinical and scientific lens, things that once felt arbitrary start to make sense.
And most importantly, you realize you are not alone.
2. Self-Compassion
This is where real change begins.
Self-compassion is not lowering the bar.
It’s creating the conditions that make change possible.
Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff describes self-compassion as having three core components:
- Mindfulness – noticing your experience without judgment
- Common humanity – recognizing that struggle is part of being human
- Self-kindness – responding to yourself with warmth rather than criticism
For individuals with ADHD, this is not just a “nice idea.”
It is a functional tool.
Because when we reduce shame, we increase clarity.
When we increase clarity, we build resilience.
And when we build resilience, we unlock creativity and empowerment.
When we are able to clearly identify and support executive function challenges, something shifts:
- What’s wrong with me? => What support do I need right now?
- Self-doubt => self-trust
ADHD is not a failure of effort.
It is a difference in regulation.
And self-compassion is the mechanism that allows people to recalibrate—
to adjust their aperture—so they can finally see themselves clearly.
If there’s one takeaway from Aperture, it’s this:
Sometimes the most important shift isn’t pushing harder.
It’s learning to see yourself with more accuracy, more context, and more kindness.
That’s where change begins. That’s where the light comes in.
Warmly,
Liz Adams, PhD, LP, ABPP
Neuropsychologist
Founder & CEO
Minnesota Neuropsychology
